Irony

I didn't do a damn thing wrong and I still got screwed over.

How's that for karma? I am constantly trying to be the best person that I can be throughout all of this. I feel like I'm making smart decisions, and I'm not doing anything rash or stupid, and yet I still feel weak and that I failed in some way.

Good things come to those who wait? I am one who waits. Where are my good things, please?

Nomad

While in St. Louis this weekend I finally saw my sister's new house. It's a really cool house down in South City, and her and her husband are doing all of the fixer-upper projects throughout the house. They also have an awesome new dog named Homer. I am jealous of them because they have a place to call home.

My parent's house is where I grew up, and I'm obviously still welcomed there, but it hasn't felt like 'home' for a few years now. I also literally don't fit in that house anymore because my bed is too small, I'm tall enough that when I look in the bathroom mirror I have to bend down otherwise my head gets cut off, and I have to constantly crouch when walking in the basement.

Kirksville used to be my other home, the place where I felt more comfortable and could sit back and just relax. But now I don't even have a home here anymore. It's been tainted and taken away from me. I don't know exactly when I'll be able to find a new place to call my own, so in the meantime I'm just a nomad who wanders around trying to kill time until the day is over.

I would give just about anything to have Homer here by my side right now. I love that dog.

"I won't back down..."

"...no I won't back down. You can stand me up at the gates of hell, but I won't back down."

Thank you, Johnny Cash, for being there for me at 4:00a.m.

Rain

I noticed last night that my car battery had died at some point in the past few days, and if I didn't move the car by tonight it would have gotten a ticket tomorrow. So at 1:00 a.m. me and Ronnie went out into the pouring rain and pushed my car from the spot where it was parked into a space across the street, and we got soaked in the process.
I realize that this doesn't sound all that exciting, but the whole situation made me laugh and it made me happy.
Sometimes my life can be good.
This was the topper to a night that included watching Singin' in the Rain, having a good rehearsal, and shooting a bunch of zombies in Left 4 Dead with Ronnie while eating pizza.

Like I said, sometimes my life can be good.

Senior Year

It's my senior year, and I'm trying to find every way I can to get as much out of this year as possible. But I keep hitting roadblocks. Everything I think of I can't do because I'm average at everything. I'll get my hopes up and think that I really can do a job well, and then someone else gets the job. I should get used to it, because it's part of the business that I want to get into. I just wish that there was some talent or quality that I had that no one else has. And the only thing that ever made me feel like I was more than just average is gone.

The only comfort I've been able to find for weeks was when I watched The Dark Knight a few days ago. But I hate to say that even that didn't work 100%. Talk about a great movie, though. I mean, damn, that's about as close to perfect as any movie can get.


Whatever lesson I'm supposed to learn from this part of my life, I wish it would just become clear. The worst part is sitting back watching everything happen knowing that I can do something, but not being able to.

Medicine

With every ailment known to man, there seems to be at least one known way of treating it.
But a broken heart?
The only medicine people can recommend is Time.

You'd think with all of our technology we'd be able to come up with an alternative medicine. Something that works much faster than Time.

But you'd be wrong.
All we can do is sit and wait, and hope that someday the medicine will start working.

This summer sucked

Summer really sucked.
I want it to end right now.
This is a haiku.