It's my senior year, and I'm trying to find every way I can to get as much out of this year as possible. But I keep hitting roadblocks. Everything I think of I can't do because I'm average at everything. I'll get my hopes up and think that I really can do a job well, and then someone else gets the job. I should get used to it, because it's part of the business that I want to get into. I just wish that there was some talent or quality that I had that no one else has. And the only thing that ever made me feel like I was more than just average is gone.
The only comfort I've been able to find for weeks was when I watched The Dark Knight a few days ago. But I hate to say that even that didn't work 100%. Talk about a great movie, though. I mean, damn, that's about as close to perfect as any movie can get.
Whatever lesson I'm supposed to learn from this part of my life, I wish it would just become clear. The worst part is sitting back watching everything happen knowing that I can do something, but not being able to.
Friday, September 4, 2009
Wednesday, August 26, 2009
Medicine
With every ailment known to man, there seems to be at least one known way of treating it.
But a broken heart?
The only medicine people can recommend is Time.
You'd think with all of our technology we'd be able to come up with an alternative medicine. Something that works much faster than Time.
But you'd be wrong.
All we can do is sit and wait, and hope that someday the medicine will start working.
But a broken heart?
The only medicine people can recommend is Time.
You'd think with all of our technology we'd be able to come up with an alternative medicine. Something that works much faster than Time.
But you'd be wrong.
All we can do is sit and wait, and hope that someday the medicine will start working.
Saturday, August 15, 2009
Saturday, August 1, 2009
Clogged
I have no other way of describing myself other than "clogged". I can't think about anything else. I can't get myself to do anything. I can't sleep without sleeping pills because my mind won't shut up.
Every time that I feel like I've made progress and that I will make it through this situation, something happens that puts me in a crappy, crappy mood.
Also, I'm worried that my instincts are right. They have been right about most all of the bad stuff that has happened lately, but with what I'm currently thinking about, I sincerely truly hope that I am wrong.
I feel like I have no one to turn to.
I feel completely alone. For the first time in my life.
Completely alone.
But you know, I've always been pretty independent and I'm used to dealing with problems on my own. At this point, the thing I hate most is the fact that she has to go through so much shit. I feel like she finally had a happy life and then it got crapped on and ruined. I hate that she has to go through this, and I hate that I can't be there for her. I hate it.
I hate it, I hate it, I hate it.
Every time that I feel like I've made progress and that I will make it through this situation, something happens that puts me in a crappy, crappy mood.
Also, I'm worried that my instincts are right. They have been right about most all of the bad stuff that has happened lately, but with what I'm currently thinking about, I sincerely truly hope that I am wrong.
I feel like I have no one to turn to.
I feel completely alone. For the first time in my life.
Completely alone.
But you know, I've always been pretty independent and I'm used to dealing with problems on my own. At this point, the thing I hate most is the fact that she has to go through so much shit. I feel like she finally had a happy life and then it got crapped on and ruined. I hate that she has to go through this, and I hate that I can't be there for her. I hate it.
I hate it, I hate it, I hate it.
Thursday, July 30, 2009
Feeling sad
I miss holding her hand.
I miss helping her through tough times.
I miss the kisses.
I miss being able to call her mine.
I miss helping her through tough times.
I miss the kisses.
I miss being able to call her mine.
Tuesday, April 7, 2009
Back to blogging?
Am I returning to blogging? Probably not. I'm just bored right now and need something to do to kill time.
Well it's been a little while. What's new? Lots of stuff. But for right now I just want to say that I'm sick of school. I love being involved in all of the theatre stuff, and I love getting to work with all of these awesome people here, but I hate the "class" portion of school. I hate getting homework and having stupid LSP crap getting in the way of what I really want to learn about. Is my lame paper in Christianity really going to add anything to this world? No, and you know why? Because everything I have to say in this paper has already been said thousands of times by thousands of people who are much smarter than I am. I am merely putting together different sentences and quotes that they have said into 8 pages that I will slap my name on and turn in so that I can get a grade and move on with life.
The part that scares me is that I really don't care what I get on this paper. There is a good chance that I will actually fail this class, and I am pretty much unphased. I am done worrying about grades and homework and I want to start focusing on something worthwhile that I can contribute to society.
Well it's been a little while. What's new? Lots of stuff. But for right now I just want to say that I'm sick of school. I love being involved in all of the theatre stuff, and I love getting to work with all of these awesome people here, but I hate the "class" portion of school. I hate getting homework and having stupid LSP crap getting in the way of what I really want to learn about. Is my lame paper in Christianity really going to add anything to this world? No, and you know why? Because everything I have to say in this paper has already been said thousands of times by thousands of people who are much smarter than I am. I am merely putting together different sentences and quotes that they have said into 8 pages that I will slap my name on and turn in so that I can get a grade and move on with life.
The part that scares me is that I really don't care what I get on this paper. There is a good chance that I will actually fail this class, and I am pretty much unphased. I am done worrying about grades and homework and I want to start focusing on something worthwhile that I can contribute to society.
Monday, September 29, 2008
Best Day Ever
This was the best day I have ever had!
Too bad Criminal Law and Criminology both have papers due tomorrow...
But despite that, I'm still glad that I spent the day the way I did instead of doing homework. No regrets. I'll take an F on a paper; there will be others to write. But days like this one come once in a million years.
Too bad Criminal Law and Criminology both have papers due tomorrow...
But despite that, I'm still glad that I spent the day the way I did instead of doing homework. No regrets. I'll take an F on a paper; there will be others to write. But days like this one come once in a million years.
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